Where were you last night????? Where were you????

Where Were You Last Night

Tonight’s Hash: I just received an update from my new BFF Tim and Shana about the Hash run tonight.  This is going to be their Virgin lay (hopefully it is as kinky as it sounds) meaning it is the first run they have led.  Plus, because it is going to also be my first Hash they have decided to make it a little bit special so the price for the other wankers and wanketts is going to be $7 not $5. In addition I just learned of this other cute couple, Sandy and Keith, who met at Hash.  I am so excited!!!!!!  Now that you are out of my life, I’ll be so lucky.  You are still not invited.

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Where were you last night????? Where were you???? I waited for you all night, all night!!!!! At first I thought that you were LOST or worst since you didn’t answer your phone, HURT.  It was only this morning I learned from my friend Tiff that she saw you out with that tattooed fake blond bimbo you met last week at the Mint.  Well it’s over between us, don’t ever call me again. Now, I’m not the only one with new friends. This week I also met some people, a cute couple Tim and Shana.  Tim has a cute butt and Shana the looks and body of a goddess.  Who knows I might just do them both.

They have invited me to something called a Hash, with the Bakersfield Hash House Harriers.  Don’t worry this Hash has nothing to do with illegal drugs, so I won’t be seeing your rotten teeth methed out skinny bitch sister there (oh you didn’t know, sorry).   No, this Hash is a 3-4 mile evening run this Monday, February 20, 2012.  There will also be at least 2 beer checks.  With the theme of Mardi Gras 2012, it is going to be a high-class affair with some equally eccentric people.  This Hash event will begin at 6:30 pm from – Riverlakes Drive between Olive and Hageman across from the Golf Course entrance, in the parking lot of the Riverlakes clubhouse/pool/lake area, and you are not invited. Besides since it’s exercise I wouldn’t expect your lard ass to be there anyway.

The cost will be $5.00 but since I’m what is called a newbee I won’t have to pay.  All I have to do is some sort of initiation. Since I don’t sing, and you’re the only joke I know my only option is to show a body part (and as you know my body parts are no joke). I’m going to hopefully show to 20-25 people WHAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN!!!!!!

Don’t call me, don’t text me; I’m dropping you from FB and blocking you from my Google circle. You are now free to go back to your sister-cousin where I found you. In short (as your’s is), as far as I’m concerned you have never existed.  SO F*CK OFF.

Hashers Note: None of the events depict above are real. Any resemblance to anybody who might have dropped me 25 years ago is strictly coincidental.

Frosty Rehab Hash 2011

Buggers, familians, wankers be you all, cum celebrate another “auto de fe”, not like the month of May (Cinco) but like the month of December (10 err plus 2), the BH3 annal Frosty Rehab Hash. 

 Cum Hash where the average home light bill for the month of December is more than the household income of 99 percent of Bakersfield households. Let them feel the earth tremble under there feet as we sing Sophists inspired Hashmas carols that Socians and Manecheans would agree as being equally offensive to Jansenists and Jesuits alike. While the residents of Haggin Oaks neighborhood may not hold the same opinion of our songs they (as yet) are only limited to devouring us by their eyes all the time of our, all to brief, vocal registration. 

 Everything in this world happens for the best, war, pestilence, Herman Cain, the Internet.  Need proof of this dialectic, if it weren’t for the spoilage of hops we would not have our sacramental PBR. So cum celebrate a years worth of destruction at this years Frosty Rehab Hash for in the end it must all be good. 

 Co-admirals of the Hash Diamond Dick and Butthook will be the hares. Normal meeting time – 6:30 p.m., Monday December 19, 2011.  Meet in the parking lot on the north side of the Kaiser Permanente medical building at the NE corner of Ming Ave. and Haggin Oaks Dr., across the street from the Marketplace. Bring a flashlight so you can read the song sheet.

Lest ye set aside your bacon, Nātīvitās Regalia is required. Cost of admission is $5. Map to the A at this link:
http://g.co/maps/apf2x

Care to know WTF this is about click here:

Stache Hash 2011

How I wish I could grow a moustache
I’d get a good job in porn
I wouldn’t have to work hard because
the ladies would cream on their own

Oh I wish I could grow a moustache
Gay lumber jacks would take me as one of their own
I’d fell trees till dusk then
crave wood till next dawn

If I had a moustache
I ‘d always have memories at lunch
especially from previous nights
when I’d had a nice carpet to munch

But alas, I cannot grow a moustache
My Indio genes prevent me from having a stache
so I’ll just have to bring 
a fake one to Hash.

On On

Nice racks .... I mean staches -

BH3,

Next run will be Nov 7. This will be a virgin lay for Marisol and her brother Marv. In keeping with their virginal ways, they have declared this to be the Cancer of the Stache 2011.

Their trail will start from the Park at Riverwalk at the usual time, 6:30. Entering the park at Buena Vista Rd. & Stockdale Hwy, go to the little traffic circle and go left, park near the covered picnic tables. Map to the run start at this link: http://g.co/maps/cqswy

Other than the questionable theme, this will be a normal run. Bring $5 for the usual assortment of crappy snacks, cold beer and this week’s bonus – free Gardasil. And bring a flashlight!

Wankers, all fun aside this is a real event. So bottoms up and get you boody checked. Who knows you might even like it.  It could also save your life.   

‘Movember’ Urges Men To Grow Facial Hair, Fundraise For Prostate Cancer Awareness